Dear PiePie,
I just turned 30. So here’s a look back at the 20s.
I suppose the very first realization, is that the 20s is not any one thing. I was rapidly changing and evolving throughout the entire decade, leaving it a very different person from when I entered. I gained newfound liberty and the ability to decide for myself the paths that I wish to take. But with that also means taking responsibility for those action and choices, in stark contrast to the teen years. With that in mind, my advice is: be bold to try new things, but make sure that you are actively exercising this choice to try such things. Goodness knows you will be pressured into trying things by others (even by me and Mommy). So consider carefully, slowly even, before leaping into the unknown.
In an old, old cartoon called Doraemon, the main character has a Dokodemo door (or Anywhere Door), which acts as a portal to anywhere in the world. The 20s is a time to go through that door and explore. You start with few responsibilities, few inhibitions, and hopefully, a back-up plan in your parents (us!). So enjoy that. I did not explore outside the door as much as my peers, trading that to start a family earlier. But that worked out well for me. I supposed the takeaway here is to not be afraid to take on some responsibilities along the way even as the 20s is an opportunity to wander the world. Always having an empty knapsack, ready to move on to the next adventure may allow you to see many things. Yet, in choosing the transient, you will likely sacrifice the chance to build toward something with more permanence. If all of this sounds like a whole lot of confusing hot air with no definitive answer, that’s because life doesn’t have a defined path. We’ll be your advisors, sometimes with strong opinions, but you will have to take the step.
Another thing that will become more apparent is that the adults don’t quite have all the answers. Sure, we have walked a bit of the path that you will be embarking on, and there are some pearls of wisdom that may accidentally slip out from us. But many of us are simply going with the flow where life takes us and the “knowledge” we have are oftentimes hand-me-downs or battle scars from another era. Which might not be wrong. But just because something has been so doesn’t mean it should continue to be so. Think for yourself. A little bit of first principles thinking will go a long long way.
And know that things will get tough, as they sometimes do. When you try the unknown and it doesn’t quite work out the way you thought it would. Or perhaps it did turn out the way you envisioned but so so much tougher than you imagined. Remember, life goes on. The days tick away whether it was hard or easy, happy or sad. And it’ll get better. Set short term goals, get there, and then set the next short term goal. Incrementally, you’ll move through the valleys. Don’t lose hope.
Finally, the 20s is also when illusions are shattered and reality sets in. This might be the fabled mid-life crisis previously experienced in the 30s and 40s, but perhaps as with everything, it gets earlier generation by generation. The grand visions that you might have had of yourself or for the world becomes increasingly out of reach and you come to the sinking realization that…perhaps you might not be able to actually achieve it. Know that that’s ok. You don’t have to live the lives of autobiographies.
In my 20s, I have gained friends and also lost friends. I have experienced lack and also decadence. I have had broken limbs and also broken spirits. I have traveled near and far. Out of the aggregated sum of these experiences, learning to love living the ordinary life was the best thing that I got out of my 20s. So, when you return from outside the Dokodemo door, perhaps bruised and battered, perhaps on a high, striding into your 30s, I hope you come to the conclusion that an ordinary, unassuming life is just as fulfilling and worth living.
Love, Dad