Dear PiePie,
If someone in school snatches away a shared toy that you are playing with, what should you do? What if the item being taken is your personal belonging – like your bag or water bottle or hair clip? Should you simply accept it and wait for them to return, or ask them for it, or complain to the teacher, or simply snatch it back?
In the world of adults, many of these situations have no definite right or wrong, white or black. What you should do tends to fall in the not-so-helpful zone of ‘it depends’. And yet, as and when these situations happen, you will ask or look to us to guide you on what should or should not be done, and Mommy and I will have to give you a clear instruction on how you should respond.
We worry, as parents probably often do, that the example we set for you right now will ultimately have broader implications – in this case, that you might end up always passively accepting bullying or that you might become an antagonistic person who turns to violence. Both are extreme examples and you’ll probably end up somewhere in the middle, like most of us, but we still do worry.
Amongst friends who have children, it seems many believe the child should ‘stand up for themselves’. After all, no one wants to see their kid being bullied. ‘Society is unforgiving and we would do best for our children to recognize that and be equipped to survive.’ It seems we are trapped in an adverse game theory where the dominant strategy is always to look out for oneself first and foremost, tragedy of the commons be damned. But in times like these I always recall the following quote.
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”
L.R Knost
I hope we raised you in such a way that you’re empowered and confident to make this world a little less cruel and heartless. Did we do it well? And…do you perhaps wish we might have raised you differently?
Let us know?
Love, Dad