Dear PiePie,
I chanced upon an album cover, an ’80s waterpark photo with a smiling pair of mother and son in faded sepia. It reminded me of the photos that I would have with my parents when I was much younger in the 90s. (Ask me about it if you’re curious, there might still be some lying around)
It led to a broader thought about the impact that our parents have on us – how their actions shaped us, whether or not intended. The shadows that are cast, last a lifetime. Them on me. And Me (and Mom) on you.
In some ways, the more we care for you, the more we are, in effect, trying to keep you within our shadows. And I’m not sure what is the right balance to strike there. Should we be such amazing support systems that you becoming very heavily reliant on us, or should we let you fall, get hurt, and be sufficiently distant such that you learn that you DO have what it takes to overcome the setbacks that life invariably throws at you? At what age, should what lessons be learnt?
I imagine this to be like belaying a climber when they are descending. One needs to release the rope, but it can’t be too much at once, nor too little. There’s no right or wrong to this question and we will figure out what’s appropriate as things move along.
One parenting tip that remains top of mind is Roots and Wings. That us as parents provide you with roots – a grounded sense of belonging, a safe space to retreat to – but also wings – the encouragement and the freedom to try new things, to test your limits. It is a balance I try to strike.
For now, I’d say that you are still quite dependent on us, as I suppose you should be. I find myself torn between whether I’d like you to continue to be the ‘good girl’ that you currently are, or to eventually grow more aggressiveness and assertiveness that would make things much more difficult for us as parents, but would also make me more confident that you have enough rough edges to take on whatever the world has in store.
The fun is in the not knowing. Let’s see!
Love, Dad
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