Dear PiePie,
It is likely, barring any unexpected accident, that you’ll be an only child like me.
Growing up, you’ll spend quite a lot of time by yourself. You’ll learn to play by yourself, eat by yourself, sleep by yourself. Nobody will really know quite how you feel as the only “kid” in the house (although who knows if that may also be true for those with siblings). But through it, I hope you gain valuable experience in being alone. I personally spent quite a lot of time alone at home because both your grandparents were out working and I didn’t have a yaya, but I don’t recall ever feeling lonely. I simply moved on to the next thing I wanted to do, of which there was an endless list.
It’s important to note here that being alone is not the same as being lonely (feeling alone). Loneliness comes, I feel, when the amount of meaningful social interactions you have is less than what you want. For me, being an only child has taught me to “survive” without desiring as much social interaction and as a result, to generally not feel lonely even if I am simply by myself for long periods of time.
And I’ve always thought of this as a good thing, because it’s gotten me through times when I’ve had to spend long periods away from family and friends for school or work. At the end of the day, the journey of life is a single-player game. People walk with you for portions of the journey, but for the most part, they come and they go. Your yaya, your mom and I will leave you at some point as well. Don’t I sound really callous?
That’s probably the flip side to this ‘ability’ to be alone, and why I don’t necessarily hope that you end up like me. I feel that maybe because I am so comfortable being alone and don’t attach so much value to emotional connections, I say and do things that are not emotionally sensitive, and that causes people around me to feel bad.
So yes, that was a roundabout way to say that your dad is far from an affectionate being, and may be reticent with praises and encouragement. But know that whether I say it or not, I am always by your corner. And whether I say it or not, I will always appreciate whatever you choose to do for me. I’m still learning to be more open with emotions, and I expect I’ll still be learning even as you are reading this letter.
Love, Dad