Letters to PiePie

The Diminishing Value Of Prose?

February 2, 2025

Dear PiePie,

When I first started writing this series of letters, there were no AI chatbots. Now, they are a dime a dozen and getting cheaper by the day. And they are so good that I’m sure, if I feed it the past letters I’ve written, and ask it to generate 30, 40, 50 more of those, it will do a commendable job.

It will likely be able to write in clearer prose, potentially make more coherent arguments and, frankly, save me a bit of time that I can spend with you. In a broader way, this applies to everything where the written output is the end in and of itself – for substack posts, newspaper articles, encyclopedia entries. AI can do it faster, cheaper and often better.

Which is to say, what’s the point of me writing all these letters when AI could do it?

I suppose the distinction lies in the fact that the written output of these letters are not quite the main purpose of these letters. It sounds odd, and certainly, I have not had to confront this until realising the potential futility of this letter-writing exercise, but perhaps the act of writing these letters is also inescapably important as well. The letters are a mean to an end, not the end in itself that I thought it was.

Writing these allow for moments of reflection, for wondering what type of child you are growing up to be and the type of advice you might need to hear. For thinking about how we should parent you. And regardless of whether you eventually read this, those self-reflection will inevitably seep its way into how I respond and react to you, day by day, in this current moment. That will matter.

Also, the letters are not meant for all children. It is written with you in mind, and that means the anecdotes, examples, and advice is a response to our shared daily experiences. The AI can’t know (for now), how you might giggle when someone else gets scolded, or how you might get ‘hangry’ and whiny only to transform into a hyperactive and happy kid after some food. We know. And that knowing should make the difference between what I am writing, and what AI can write to you.

And so, for now, I’ll persist in writing these letters, hoping that they matter even many years in the future. Otherwise, I’ll hope they matter in the ways my actions change during my interactions with you right now, however minuscule the change might be.

Love, Dad

2024 Year In Review

December 31, 2024

Dear PiePie,

I suppose, in keeping with the theme of reviewing the year, the question will continue to be: what will 2024 be known for, many years from now?

The easy answer appears to be that Trump got re-elected to become president, and he will almost certainly leave some imprints on the world over his next 4 years. That said, I am not sure the impact will be as big as parts of the American populace believe it will be – ‘the end of democracy’ as they suggest. Checks and balances should mean that the Land of the Free keeps chugging along, never too quickly or decisively, regardless of who is in power. It is, for better or worse, both the drawback and benefit of democracy.

Nope. In the long-scheme of things, I believe that SpaceX managing to ‘catch’ its Super Heavy rocket booster, thus opening up the potential for reusable space launching rocket and dramatically reducing the cost of space launch, will prove to be 2024’s lasting contribution to humanity.

It is a significant step forward towards normalizing mass space travel, and eventually, the possibility of a multi-planetary human race. What a weird and strange thought that would be. Might it allow more people to see our world from a Spaceship Earth point of view, where we will be able to viscerally experience Earth as a one crew on a spaceship working together for survival and progress?

Who knows, but what a world that might be, as humanity explores the galaxy.

On an individual level, you grew so much this year. It seems every year we say that, but it remains true. You are hugely more outgoing at school, with a few close friends, and have made big leaps in overcoming your fear of public speaking, although you are still understandably shy. You are much more independent and now run off to play with your cousins without needing us to tag along.

As time goes by, you’ll run further and further away. That is natural, and desirable. And we shall be so glad to see you find your stride, sprinting into the horizon. Here’s to 2025!

Love, Dad

We Are Imperfect (And That’s OK)

December 29, 2024

Dear PiePie,

I find that, often, what causes a lot of mental angst or psychological stress is when we are not able to live up to the version of ourselves that we believe we should be, whether this image of perfection was self-imposed or influenced by the external world.

And this letter isn’t to tell you what the perfect version of yourself should be, or to instruct you on how to get there.

It’s simply to suggest that this journey to the ideal image of yourself is exactly that, a journey. And it’s a lifelong journey. It’s ok that you are not quite there yet, and perhaps never will be.

Embrace that imperfection even as you strive, just a little every day, to move closer to that version of yourself you wish to be.

Sometimes we are trapped in a mental loop of self-loathing, that we procrastinate or are quick to anger or care about what others think of us. Accepting that you are flawed takes power away from those flaws. Tell yourself that how you feel/act is an understandable response to the situations you are facing, even if you might not like to have felt/acted in that way.

It might help to converse with that voice within: “I care too much about others’ opinions of me, and that’s ok. It makes sense that I care a lot about their opinions, but let’s work on being less bothered by them.”

Hopefully, this might come in handy should you ever feel inadequate. I fear that this letter might eventually be used against me if you fully embrace your flaws with no intention of changing. But I suppose, if you can’t be contentedly working on improving yourself, I’d rather that you are happily flawed than unhappily striving towards perfection.

Love, Dad

同人，不同命

December 25, 2024

亲爱的派派，

我们在菲律宾南部。这里，算较贫穷的地区。这里，每年好几次台风。人都习惯灾难了。

今天圣诞节。凉爽的餐厅外面有位小女孩，也许比你大一些，6/7岁吧。她知道不能进餐厅里，所以在外面大太阳下默默等着。默默期待着。等我们吃完饭，跨出门外，她就能向我们祝贺：“平安夜快乐！”，向我们讨钱。

这时你在有冷气的餐厅里，吵着说很热，吵着说不喜欢食物。

这反差，无比的大。

回头反思，我们是不是太宠你了？

无可否认，这世界这么的大，大家的起跑线截然不同是自然的。但，一个人该在什么年龄意识到自己在庞大世界中的相对地位呢？或许觉得自己幸运，或许意识到自己的落差，但什么是个合适的时候，一个人会拿着世俗的尺来衡量自己呢？

同时，如果我把这小女孩当作例子，告诉你，你是多么的幸运，又感觉好像在鄙视这毅力坚强/逼不得已的小女孩。这事不是说的算，还是得自己领悟。

所以，把感慨写了出来，但又结论说你得自己领悟。这篇确实矛盾。

也许，希望你多年以后，能慕然回首，发现自己的处境还行吧。

爱你, 爸爸

Rapids and Still Waters

December 18, 2024

Dear PiePie,

There might reach a point where you are so busy with whatever consumes your time – work, family, passion projects etc – that your entire life is devoted to it. Almost every part of your waking hours is geared towards maximising your output in that chosen field.

You are still, of course, meeting with friends and fulfilling obligations, but the mind is solely and utterly focused on a goal or an aspect of your life. And every day you wake up to tackle yet more challenges in that realm.

It’s not actually a bad state of flow, especially if you enjoy what you do, as I do with my current job. But the challenge of that is it becomes all-encompassing.

It is the canoeist tackling the rapids, clearing obstacle after obstacle, one after another. No time for reprieve. No time to celebrate that one obstacle has just been conquered since countless more lay ahead. Rinse and repeat.

That’s not really healthy as well, even if, by and large, it is probably good to be in a highly productive state, doing what you like and are happy to devote most of your energy to. But every so often, in that state of flow, it remains worthwhile to extricate yourself from the rapids to find pools of still water.

Where. Nothing. Happens.

Where you are simply left alone with your thoughts. Where there isn’t yet another obstacle to overcome. Where you can reflect on the many obstacles that have been conquered, give yourself a little pat on your back, and pump yourself up for the countless more hurdles to come.

Because when you’re in the rapids, you act on instinct. On quick twitch muscles that have been honed. In still waters, you have a chance to reflect if those instinctual responses should be tweaked and fine-tuned. Perhaps no change is needed. But you’ll never know till you stop to reflect.

You shouldn’t be in still waters for too long, of course. For what’s the use of preparing yourself, mentally and physically, if there isn’t any rapids ahead that you are looking to tackle?

So this advice applies ONLY if you find yourself in the rapids for too long. Find some time to change a setting and zone out.

Love, Dad

The Shadows We Cast

December 15, 2024

Dear PiePie,

I chanced upon an album cover, an ’80s waterpark photo with a smiling pair of mother and son in faded sepia. It reminded me of the photos that I would have with my parents when I was much younger in the 90s. (Ask me about it if you’re curious, there might still be some lying around)

It led to a broader thought about the impact that our parents have on us – how their actions shaped us, whether or not intended. The shadows that are cast, last a lifetime. Them on me. And Me (and Mom) on you.

In some ways, the more we care for you, the more we are, in effect, trying to keep you within our shadows. And I’m not sure what is the right balance to strike there. Should we be such amazing support systems that you becoming very heavily reliant on us, or should we let you fall, get hurt, and be sufficiently distant such that you learn that you DO have what it takes to overcome the setbacks that life invariably throws at you? At what age, should what lessons be learnt?

I imagine this to be like belaying a climber when they are descending. One needs to release the rope, but it can’t be too much at once, nor too little. There’s no right or wrong to this question and we will figure out what’s appropriate as things move along.

One parenting tip that remains top of mind is Roots and Wings. That us as parents provide you with roots – a grounded sense of belonging, a safe space to retreat to – but also wings – the encouragement and the freedom to try new things, to test your limits. It is a balance I try to strike.

For now, I’d say that you are still quite dependent on us, as I suppose you should be. I find myself torn between whether I’d like you to continue to be the ‘good girl’ that you currently are, or to eventually grow more aggressiveness and assertiveness that would make things much more difficult for us as parents, but would also make me more confident that you have enough rough edges to take on whatever the world has in store.

The fun is in the not knowing. Let’s see!

Love, Dad

It’s Magic. It’s Tragic. It’s Real.

October 15, 2024

Dear PiePie,

I was watching at an interview of Jensen Huang earlier today, as he describes the changes afoot in the computing space and how that will change, in the nearer term, how we interact with any digital application. I suspect in the future, it too will change how we interact in the physical world as well. I was watching it in part for work, to understand the trends and position investments accordingly, but halfway through, there was a meta-cognition as I stepped away from thinking about the contents of the video as an input for work, to thinking about the contents of the video as strides that an entire humanity is undertaking.

Perhaps I speak only for myself, but it seems we often forget to take a step back from the active experience of what we are seeing and hearing, to consider the broader implications and second-order effects of those same things. We get desensitized.

On the positive side, an example is planes. Flying is so commonplace now that we hardly bat an eyelid. We take it as a time to snooze or catch up on a show, or simply as a chore that stands in the way between us and our destination. But what a marvel or engineering. We are flying! There are tons of micro-optimizations that made flying as safe as it is today – from the engine design to materials usage of the airplane body, to systems design of airports and communications infrastructure etc. This is what AI will eventually be as well. So embedded in the norms of our lives that we cease to be amazed by the intellect and usefulness of the machines, but it is made possible by genuinely astounding engineering that is occurring all throughout the semiconductor supply chain.

On the negative side, we get desensitized to tragedies after a while too. Imagine you’re a reporter that’s covering yet-another war-torn country. It could have been Ukraine 2 years ago, and Gaza last year. You write story after story of the horrors of war, trying to meet the deadlines of your editors. Your subjects come and go; you’d never see them again. Are they simply yet another story, another blip in the statistics, a means to our ends, or do we see that as what they are, a tragedy?

I am reminded of you saying “It’s amazing” when talking about the new playground downstairs that has a mini ‘treetop walk’ and monkey bars. I’d never think of that playground as amazing, ‘adulted’ human that I am. But I hope you never cease to be amazed, or be able to experience amazement or sadness in things that might otherwise be commonplace.

I hope you remember, from time to time, to be human.

Love, Dad

努力不羞耻

October 7, 2024

亲爱的派派，

看到了一个小品。里头，学渣其实偷偷努力，但因为努力后的成果还是不是太理想，假装不努力，把自己的努力掩饰在漫不经心后面。这种行为是非常能理解的，评论区也有人叨叨：只有真的努力过的人才会明白这种感受。

确实。如果大家都知道你努力了，但最终成绩还是很差，那不等于你即便努力后的上线还是很低吗？那不是很可耻吗？这好比现在人说的：在感情里，谁认真谁就输了。这两方面，都是因为有一定的自尊心存在，不想把自己脆弱的一面展示。

爸爸也有此感受，虽然不是在学术上。中学高中时期好一阵子不太敢弄发型。当然也想让自己变得好看些，但你爷爷主打个三七分，我也没想着上网学这些。因为不会，所以不敢。要不我真的尝试了，却看起来依然糟糕，但大家都看到我试图酷帅，太丢人了。那就不尝试，假装不在乎我的外观。

之后职场上你也会发现，有些工作是能靠努力的。那种事多，干就完了的，通常只要能熬，就能出成绩。

但慢慢升上去后，会发现大多事，成绩说话。不管怎么努力，如果没有天赋或运气，怎么样也没结果。销售是这样，当明星运动员是这样，投资也是这样。

那就不努力了吗？或，只敢偷偷努力？不行呀。

控制不了成果的时候，更加得坚信，一定要把分内能做的给做了。成果来不来，由天，但不能辜负自己。不能之后想说，其实我没给 100%。这种事，努力就是胜利。You can only control the inputs. So control it.

当然，屡次失败，还是得检讨是否你努力的方向或形式是否出了什么问题。Insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result。但如果真想过了，那就相信自己的努力。

努力不羞耻。努力后，要不成功，要不收获经验。From Randy Pausch’s legendary last lecture: “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

真努力累了，回来找爸爸这歇会。休息后，再出去努力的闯。

爱你, 爸爸

The Paths We Walk

August 3, 2024

Dear PiePie,

I recently read The Way We Live Now, a wonderful piece of essay by Colson Whitehead published in the New York Times 2 months after September 11^th. What he wrote about New York City is true for any city that you have treaded through. Perhaps the speed of change in the physical landscape is not quite as fast in the Big Apple, but the wheels of time, you shall soon realise, spins ever faster the older you get.

We are voyagers in this world, navigating through a fog of war, but as we lay our eyes for the first time on a restaurant or library or new apartment, that becomes seared in our memories. That place, will forever be where we ate, read and lived, regardless of what came before, or after.

We will reminisce with those who knew that place as we knew – oftentimes people our age – about the things we use to do, at the places those used to be. Even as older folks smile knowingly about even more distant “used to be”.

In that way, the world we build, is our own, but also, shared with the people of our times. The voyagers who saw, for the first time as well, what we saw. Generations have a zeitgeist, a collective experience, rooted in a shared knowing.

The world is more fragmented than before, but I hope, more travel, and seeing how ‘the other’ lives, bridges those gaps. We simply are, voyagers.

Love, Dad

Enthusiasm Is A Superpower

July 6, 2024

Dear PiePie,

I recently had appendicitis in far-flung Los Angeles. It’s never easy to be in pain and be in the hospital, much less in unfamiliar surroundings and without family around. But, in spite of the labyrinthic system, in spite of the fact that not a single person can tell me what the final bill will amount to – “this is the US, you just focus on getting well, luv” – the nursing and doctor teams were wonderfully upbeat.

In particular, there was a nursing staff named Arturo with an infectious joy who wheeled me to the operating theater and, while it may not seem like much, his positivity really did lifted up my day. And it reminded me of Kevin Kelly’s “Excellent Advice for Living”, where he wrote that ‘Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points’.

Whether in workplaces or group projects, in sports teams or book clubs, genuine enthusiasm and the effort and positivity that accompanies it will almost certainly make you stand out. The operative word here being…genuine. It is hard to fake enthusiasm, and I have no good advice for how to be enthusiastic when you’re just … not.

But I have found that if you are able to see the bigger picture or purpose behind what might appear to be a mundane, boring and repetitive task, you can often be more genuinely enthusiastic than the next person made to do the same task. And sometimes, that is enough.

Hoping that you’ll find things that spark your enthusiasm!

Love, Dad